Sarah's Story
I was lying on my bed reading when my mother came in and shut the door.
"Sarah, I have something to tell you." Her face was flushed. My
mom has high blood pressure, and when she's upset her color comes up. I
started to get scared.
She must have seen that I was frightened, because she reached out and took
my hand. Her voice shook as she spoke and I was still scared. She said,
"Well, I don't know where to begin. I guess you know I had a hard time
conceiving. Before you were born, I had a miscarriage. Soon after that,
I got pregnant with you. The doctor thought I might not be able to carry
you full term, so..." Her voice cracked again, and I felt a lump rise
in my throat. I hated it when my mother cried p; I felt so helpless.
I squeezed her hand and tried to smile (I must have looked like a ghost)
and she laughed feebly. "I knew this would be hard to say. The doctor
gave me pills to prevent another miscarriage. I took them for the first
seven months I carried you. They were a drug called diethylstilbestrol,
DES. I had forgotten about it until I read an article about DES. It said
that some of the daughters of those pregnancies have developed vaginal cancer
or reproductive problems.
That was when I started to cry. I tried not to but the tears kept slipping
out of my eyes. Reading about other people and realizing what could happen
to me were two very different things.
Mom was crying too. "If I had known...I would never hurt you..."
"It's okay, Mom. You didn't know. I know." I couldn't say any
more but I think she understood. She went on, "you remember I took
you for the check-up last year? That was when I first found out about it.
The doctor said you were fine, but I found out about a specialist and I'd
like you to see him. I've made an appointment for you."
"All right, Mom, whatever you say."
I guess I looked as stricken as I felt p; my mother's composure fell
apart again. " I feel so guilty. It's all my fault." We held each
other and cried and I realized more than ever how much she loved me.
I wrote this twenty years ago, when I was 18. Today my mother and I are
closer than ever. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is to take charge
of my own health and to protect the health of my two adopted children (I
am one of the minority of DES daughters who cannot bear children). My doctor
and I are a team, and together we make the right medical decisions for me
and my family.
Written by a DES daughter
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